As I watch you grow, lamenting the fact that it’s all happening too fast (you’re too big, you’re so grown-up!), there are moments in between when I look at you and am hit with the sudden realization of how small you are. The feeling that wells up in my chest – that combination of love, a desire to protect, immense blessing; in that split second it is so intense it almost overwhelms me.

When you were born, I was so tired and numb from the whole process that I didn’t really feel much of anything. I felt a little bit jipped that I missed out on experiencing that moment that everyone talks about; the one where tears of joy stream down your face in sheer awe and amazement at the little miracle in front of you. I never got that, and in my mind, that was the end of the story. But of course it wasn’t, this is motherhood we’re talking about; known for springing shock and awe and hope on you, usually when you least expect it.

You started to get bigger, easier, the newborn fog began to lift. As the learning curve began to plateau, I was able to gaze at you and just enjoy you. I can’t remember the first time it happened, but it came out of nowhere and almost knocked the wind out of me. Complete and utter ‘oh-my-goodness-how-is-it-possible-I-love-you-so-muchness’. It was like I woke up and all that awe and amazement that I thought I’d missed out on just hit me. It continues to do so, creeping up on me and surprising me at the most mundane of moments. I recognize the feeling now, the bittersweet taste of motherhood; loving and letting go. I smile as it washes over me, pulling you close for a quick kiss or cuddle before you run off again down the way, growing taller before my very eyes.

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by Sharlene

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One Comment

  1. Posted September 25, 2012 at 07:20 | Permalink

    I loved this post.. 🙂

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